I get my exercise on two skates

I don't know how much people will want to read this Web log, but I'm excited for it. The whole reason I chose the tile Submit the Urge is because with nearly every person with a weight problem he or she has trouble with impulse control.

In today's society people don't like hearing that because it implies that to be overweight is to have no impulse control, to be helpless, weak or cowardly.

As rough as it sounds I am going to go ahead and say that there is some truth to this all. The thing is, it's no different than any other problem. Alcoholism, work-addiction, pornographic addiction, bulimia, you name it; it's all based on weakness and fear. The weakness is the lack of endurance to meet the opponent and overcome it. The fear is the trembling fright that comes with making big steps in life.

To challenge my eating habits and other maladaptive behaviors means I'm changing the face of who I am, for these problems exist deep down within the core of us and when they are addressed can cause fundamental changes.

Like anything worthwhile, changing a maladaptive behavior is not easy. That's why it's a journey. To submit the urge means not to be submissive to it. To conquer the urge means you have laid waste to it's destructive powers.

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Last night (I'm still awake) was great. I played three strong periods of ice hockey and picked up my fifth, and likely final goal of our 24 game season. We went up 2-0 early, then 3-1, only to fall to 5-3. I scored with three minutes and some seconds remaining in the third period. It was nothing special, just a loose puck in front of the net that found my stick. I stuffed it in, raised my arm and skated back to the bench, happy for my achievement. We put another in the net two minutes later but managed only the tie.

Since beginning hockey for the first time since high school, I've lost 10 pounds at least. It's been a great way to meet people, get exercise and revisit my childhood which I was so blessed to have on the ponds and in the indoor rinks of Eastern New York from late fall to mid winter.

My mind was too focused on the game to get someone to snap a photo of me in action. Our goalie took that one after the game.
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I had some crackers with a liberal spreading of Philadelphia Cream Cheese as well as a PB&J sandwich. I think I deserved them.

One breakfast sandwich, an egg salad sandwich, a slice of pizza, a cherry coke and a really bad brownie.

That's what I've had so far to eat today. I have a hockey game tonight. I'll snap some photographs and hopefully will get someone on my team to take some pictures too. Thanks for checking in.

I'm not sure that there is any fundamental difference between myself and this woman right here, a meth addict who looks as if she's really down on her luck.

Well, there's a little difference, I suppose. She's addicted to a drug that's made out of a concoction of household cleaning products, gasoline and nail polish and cold medicine. I guess that shit, whether she shoots it, snorts it, smokes it or stuffs it up her ass helps her get through the day.

The same goes for some of the stuff that I eat too. We both act without conscience when it comes to our fundamental compulsions and maladaptive behaviors.

There's one striking difference, I suppose. Whereas meth addiction is the hardest addiction to break, an addiction to bad eating is not one that leads people to horrid night sweats, random acts of bizarre behavior or holding up the family dollar on on Grand Avenue.

It's weird to be a guy and admit to having an eating. Food addictions and vomiting are for women, we think. Right. I'm not sure that I could categorize myself as a compulsive eater. My eating habits are awful though.

Lately, under the direction of a counselor with the Catholic diocese in which I live, I have been trying to track what and when I eat. In addition to the scrutiny, I've been trying also to eat better.

Instead of piecing together the last two weeks of my routine, I'll start with today. After all, the point of starting this blog---and I have two others---is to share my journey from being overweight to just right! In addition to eating right, the counselor has suggested that I focus on the whole package, which includes a set sleep schedule. Let me tell you, that's much easier said than done. That's a whole other story, especially when you're forbidden from taking sleep aids or drinking--which really doesn't help anyway.

Well, I'm not going to make this a big affair for today. Thanks for reading. Anyway, this is what I ate today.

2 packages of cinnamon raisin oatmeal
1 green apple
1 tuna fish sandwich w/ lettuce, tomato and Monterrey Jack cheese.
1 can lentil soup
2 cookies
1 bag of Cheez-its
1 slice of pizza with tomatoes, eggplant and onion.
1 Gatorade freeze.

Well, that's a lot, when I look at it. Maybe this will help. A lot of people have blogged about their weight loss, with mixed effects.

Right now I weight 210. I'm not obese. In fact most people don't believe I weigh that much, but I do. In fact, I'm 27 pounds more than I was three years ago. Not good.

Tomorrow night, really late I have a hockey game. It is probably our last of the season, which makes me sad. I've lost some weight from playing hockey, and it's been great to return to the sport I grew up playing during the cold and snowy winters here in the Northeast. This season I've scored four goals and picked up four assists and four penalty minutes.

I'll snap some photos tomorrow and show you more of that!

(I'm number 4).